This week, my first week of vacation, is mainly devoted to getting all the checkups that I haven't had done for various reasons - finances, laziness, not really wanting to know, and/or trying (and failing) to have them done properly in Thailand. So it's not going to be a lot of fun and it is a lot of stress waiting for results and such. Not that I have any reason to believe anything serious is wrong with me; I just feel that given my lifestyle, sooner or later I'm going to have to pay the piper. Anyway, as of Thursday or Friday I will either be the happiest girl ever (for a time) or be absolutely freaking out.

Yes. Yes, I should, really should, worry less. Once upon a time I used to think about God being in control and having a master plan and so on, but I've found that doesn't really make life any easier. Maybe even worse, as C.S. Lewis once said, because if God is out to get you then maybe you can talk Him out of it, but if God is doing something painful for your own good then it's kind of like the pain of cancer surgery or something... you just have to deal with it. I've also discovered that about 98% of the time when I'm trying to talk to God, I'm really just talking to myself. And I don't even really want to talk to God because this often results in changes that really hurt me. So I avoid the whole issue and run off and play video games. Sure, I believe in God; any day now I'm going to start my Christian vs. anti-Christian reading project so I can solidify my beliefs; and I try to be kind to other people, sometimes, maybe. I just don't want God to touch me.

Having said all that, life is decent. I had another fun gaming weekend, met a really cool girl who likes the same music as I do, have a date on Wednesday and another on Saturday with various men waiting in the wings. None of them seem like interesting prospects at this point, but you never know. Also meeting a former coteacher for dinner one of these days. Basically my calendar is full up even though I'm on vacation.